Marital Rape and The Impact on Women

Marriage does not mean consent. However, many people believe that when a marriage has been solidified, both partners no longer need to consent to sexual relations each time they occur. This is simply untrue; marital rape is illegal in all 50 states. Unfortunately, as with other types of intimate partner violence (IPV), marital rape disproportionately impacts women, and although all forms of IPV are distressing for women, research shows that rape by an intimate partner is associated with more severe distress than other forms of IPV.

Incidence of Marital Rape

Approximately 10–14 percent of women report having experienced sexual coercion by their spouse at some point in their marriage. Sadly, the actual incidence of marital rape is probably higher because many women are hesitant to make a report due to the stereotypes surrounding consent within marriage. Women often think “who will believe me?”

Physical and Psychological Impact

Coerced sexual activities are a violation of the mind and the body, and as a result, many women experience intense mental, emotional, and physical distress. Some of the most common symptoms experienced after marital rape are:

  • Post-traumatic stress and shock
  • Nightmares and flashbacks
  • Fear of retaliation
  • Depression
  • Anxiety
  • Trouble sleeping
  • Suicidal thoughts
  • Poor body image and negative ideas about self
  • Trouble trusting others
  • Physical injuries

When the perpetrator is a spouse, many women may feel that they are responsible for the assault, or that they do not have the right to say no; also, it is common for women to fear retaliation from their spouse if they decline sex. When sex within marriage is forced, many women feel that they are inadequate sexually or otherwise, leading to a heightened risk for depression, anxiety, and poor self-image. Furthermore, women often feel conflicted about having romantic feelings for their spouse following an assault, and as a result, many women experience shame and guilt surrounding these experiences and thus are hesitant to reach out for help. Despite what stereotypes exist, there are people who are willing to help women navigate these experiences and access the appropriate resources: See a local therapist or in case of an emergency, call a crisis hotline at 1-800-656-HOPE.

Relationships and Suicide Awareness

By: Allison Smith and Alyssa Campbell

Over the summer months of 2018, the suicides of Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain left many confused about why these highly successful individuals decided to end their lives. Additionally, shows like 13 Reasons Why have also increased the conversation surrounding mental health and suicidality. The widespread news of these suicides as well as the media coverage of this important issue has sparked discussion about suicide and the many people it can impact.

However, these discussions have been hyper-focused on mental illness and suicide as an individual problem. But suicide can also be characterized as a relational problem, impacting not only the individuals, but also the friends and families of the 40,000 people who die by suicide each year, and the many more who attempt to take their own lives.

It is important to consider the individual in the context of their relationships to understand their lived experience leading up to an attempted or completed suicide. When we only focus on mental illness, many of us feel unprepared or unable to help a loved one.

Two Experiences Associated with Suicide Risk

Be aware of signs pointing to either of these experiences:

  • Thwarted belongingness – an intense feeling of isolation
    • “I am alone” or “Nobody would care if I died”
  • Perceived burdensomeness – feeling like a burden to others
    • “The world would be a better place without me”

If a loved one expresses feeling like they don’t belong or they are a burden to others, your red flags should go up and you should express concern. When a person feels like they don’t have anybody to turn to, suicidal ideation may start to occur, which can lead to additional intent, planning, and an eventual suicide attempt.  

Luckily, the various relational aspects that may maintain suicide ideation can also be a source of hope for those struggling with hopelessness and despair.

So, what can you do?

  1. Ask a loved one if they feel isolated or like a burden to others, as well as if they are thinking about suicide. This may be uncomfortable, but it can open up the conversation for a loved one who is experiencing feelings of hopelessness or like their situation is beyond repair. These may be the exact questions that they’ve been waiting for.
  2. Provide information on where and how to access help, such as pointing them to a local therapist through Psychology Today or providing the number for a suicide hotline. Additional ideas are to volunteer to drive them to a therapy appointment or make yourself available at coffee shop across the street from their church while they meet with a religious leader, sponsor, or mentor. This can show them that you care for them and are willing to sit with them in times of struggle.

If someone feels comfortable confiding in you about these feelings, that means that they value you and feel you are a person that can show them signs that they are not alone. Although it can be uncomfortable to talk about suicide, taking the time to lean in to this person and find out more about their experiences can be more meaningful to your loved one than you know!

Your willingness to engage and show up for the person you care about shows that, although you may not fully understand their struggle, you understand that what they’re going through is real and what they are feeling is valid. This is empathy. Cultivate it. Feed it. Spread it around.

Engaging in conversations about suicide is hard. Mental illness is something we often cannot change for our loved ones. What we can change is how we care for one another.

Reference: Van Orden, K.A., Witte, T. K., Cukrowicz, K. C., Braithwaite, S. Selby, E. A., & Joiner, T. E. (2010). The interpersonal theory of suicide. Psychological Review, 117, 575–600. doi:10.1037/a0018697
Measuring tape

Measuring sticks

We live in a culture that emphasizes our deficits. When we break up with someone, we often look for what we did wrong and how we can correct it for our next relationship. We set goals with either unobtainable ends or based on subjective expectations that focus on our deficits, which may explain why less than 10% of people obtain them. After reading that statistic, some people may be tempted to read books that help them better stick to their goals, but I think that we are going about this the wrong way. 

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